Life Takes Decisions

My mother teases me for not making up my mind.  She tells me how she graduated highschool at 16, and went on straight to med school. She tells me how, by the time she was my age, she was already deciding on her speciality as a doctor.  I can't even imagine that.  At sixteen, I literally had no limitations on my interests. Physics or literature? Performance music or primary education? It all seemed like a viable option.  Upon entering college, I'd realized that my interests focus in the humanities, and began zooming in. Even now - nineteen years old, second semester in college, and a sophomore if you take a look at my credits - I can't even decide what to major in, I can't even decide if I even like this university.

But life, it takes decisions, and it's time I start making decisions, too. Last Thursday, I declared a Linguistics minor. The day after tomorrow, I'm declaring a Philosophy major, and then going on to find out about the Cognitive Science certificate program.  I'd considered a philosophy major since before I started college, I knew I'd do it as either a major or a minor, but deciding on a major seemed impossible: so many credits in one discipline! So many credits not in a variety of other disciplines! So much I would have to sacrifice for a philosophy major. I had to be sure, and it's the Cogntivie Science certificate program - restricted to Philosophy majors, among others - that served as my final push: Philosophy major it is; it's worth it.  I love this feeling - I am on track, I know what I am doing.  It feels so right, it feels great to make decisions pertaining to my life.

I'm on a roll with making decisions now, and I suddenly found myself rolling into new territory. I'm filling out transfer applications.  I am considering leaving CU. Maybe it's the recent rainy weather, or the fact that, due to my birth control, I've been bleeding heavily for more than a week straight, but I've been feeling depressed, lonely, and out of place. I really don't like CU or Boulder. I need to get out of here.

I settled for CU when I was selecting colleges. It's not like I didn't try. I'd been looking since tenth grade, but I didn't know what to look for. I didn't know what I'd major in, I didn't know whether I wanted in or out of state, I didn't know whether I wanted a city or a town. I knew I wanted a place that's bigger than my highschool of 4000, which did cut many colleges out of the picture, but not enough. I toured universities around Colorado and the Bay Area - a place that's very special to me, very close to my heart - but none of them seemed just quiet right. My counselor wasn't much help, either. His only suggestion was the University of Oregon. I am well acquainted with and absolutely adore Oregon and the Pacific North West, but I'm so glad I didn't go there. Even Boulder, just twenty minutes away from Denver, is too small for my taste, and, in a little rainy town in Oregon, I would have gone insane. In the end, I applied to three public Colorado Universities: CU Denver, CSU, and CU Boulder.  Boulder was my top choice, lying near the upper bounds of a "good match".  I got into all three. Even before I started college, I already began thinking about where I want to transfer.

I can't do this small town thing. I find myself dreaming of cities, of highrises and lights, of strange blocks and public buses.  Every time I go down to Denver, my heart starts to beat a little faster. I crave a city life, I'm begging to get to know it's every street, it's every turn. I crave to live, to really live, and I feel like I can't live here in Boulder.

I don't like CU. I hate how there is no diversity. I hate how everyone is white, and either from Colorado, California, Chicago, or New York.  I hate how everyone is rich and spoiled. I hate how no one cares, how they all think they are these cool hippies just because they smoke weed and wear overpriced "bohemian" clothes. I've found myself saying the same things I used to say when I was in highschool.  My sister told me I need to branch out more (of course, by that she means I need fewer queer friends, but that's beside the point), and I told her that I have no where to branch out, that I don't like the vast majority of people at CU, that I don't get along with most of the people here, and thus I have much fewer options. I've been saying that people don't care, and that they're too alike. In fact, this is just like Creek. I see Creek kids everywhere. I can't seem to get away from them. I don't know what to do. I feel trapped. A few weeks ago, I went to march for higher education down in Denver. It took off from Auraria campus - CU Denver, Metro State, and Community College of Denver. Midday on Wednesday, I looked around the campus, and I though, I love it here. I want to be here, the people here look real. Sure, they're still all white, but at least they resemble actual individuals, not like those in Boulder.  When I was waiting for acceptance letters, I was secretly hoping CU would reject me. Then, I would go to CU Denver, and I liked it there more.

I am currently applying to New York University, Washington University in St. Louis, and Denver University. The first two will be really hard to get into, and, if I do get in, I'll have to find some time to visit them before making a decision. I am fairly certain I'll get into DU, but I'm not sure if I'll accept of I do. I doubt my problems with CU will be successfully remedied in DU, except, perhaps, the part where I really want to live in a city. If I don't succeed this semester, I've got a few schools in mind that I'll apply to next year. University of Washington (ok, I know that, here I am, whining about the rain, and then considering life in Seattle, but I really love Washington state, it's one of those places I can already call home), Tufts, and Stanford (now I'm just getting ridiculous; however, I never took a risk when I first applied for colleges, and I want to take one now, I want rejection letters, please).

It's a bit very scary, but I know this is right. If I'm having these thoughts after one year, I'll never make it through my entirely undergraduate career alive. Most of all, if I go any of these places, I'll miss Colorado - the mountains, the skies, the whether, the cities and towns, the culture and people. But I'm a nomad at heart. I've lived four years in a row in Colorado now - longer than anywhere else since I was seven. I need to move on in this world.

2006

What has been the most influential year in your life?
Although 2009 is definitely up there (probably second), 2006 gets the prize. Interestingly, there are a lot of parallels between 2006 and 2009, mostly the fact that I moved over the summer.
This is a post I wrote for my MySpace blog to celebrate 2007.
And here's the first picture I took in 2007, barely after midnight on January 1.

Whether you read this or not (it's mostly a bunch of inside jokes you won't actually understand), tell me, 
What was the most influential year of your life, and why?

As the year comes to an end, I sit back and remember everything that had happened.  So much has changed, so much will never be thesame, so much is over.  And yet everything moves us forward, every laugh, every smile, every tear, every frown.  It is with tears in my eyes that I remember everything that has happened, but with hope in my heart.  As we move forward, remember the years that passed.  Remember how they beat you down, broke you appart, shattered you to pieces.  Remember how they picked you up, put you back together, mended you, and threw you out to love once again.  Each year, we change.  Each year we shift, life shifts.  Each year makes.  Never forget the years of your past, even as you move through the years of the future.

2006 changed me a lot.  There is a lot I will never forget about this year, and here it all is.

I remember hanging out "at that one place at the bench" "What place?" "You know, the one where we usually eat" "Ohh, you mean that one place at the bench under the tree?" "What place?" "You know, the one where we usually eat." "Ohh, you mean that one place at the bench under the tree by the locker cages?" "What place?" "You know, the one where we usually eat" "Ohh, you mean thato ne place at the bench under the tree by the locker cages between thet Foreign Language and Math departements?" ... etc.   ... ... ... Yup, that one place at the bench under the tree by the locker cages between teh Foreign language and Math departements and by the library where the special ed kids stalked us and there was that puddle over there behind which  there was that bench where those girls who all had thesame color and length except that one girl with brown hair and sometimes Madame walks by and we all shrivel up in fear.  lol I remember when we were jumping on that bench until it nearly broke.  I remember all the great times we had there, times that will stay in my heart forever.  I will never forget that bench, and I hope everyone who sat with me there will never forget me.

<3

I remember the classes I had.  I remember first period, with the two Jennifers and Shadini ^^  I remember suffering through running, and everything else we did.  And yet, we had so much fun together!  Second period science.  Soooo many friends in that class!  We had so much fun!  Especially with Mrs. Motoyama!  Third period orchestra.  I loved cutting the last little bit of that class with Kim ^^ :-P.  Fourth period Math.  Our class was so split, boys on one side, girls on the other :-P!  Fifth period English.  Our class was the best!  Sixth: French.  It was soooo boring, but luckily I had Kim there to help me feel better.  Especially when me made fun of Saade’s cleavage :-P.  7^th: World History!  That was an awesome class, Mr. Rapaport was awesome!  I loved making the video, my first WMM experience.  If it wasn’t for it, I wouldn’t be as much of a dork now :-P.

<3

I remember when we got tired of sitting at the bench and decided to move.  Emma, Sylvia, Seung-Yeon, and I went looking for a new place to sit, but we couldn’t decide where.  Finally, Emma said, “Let’s just sit here, my backpack is heavy.”  Thanks to Emma’s backpack, we ended up sitting right outside the English department.  Soooo many inside jokes came out of that!  The dogs: Snuffy, Scummy, Fluffball, Hairball, Sniffy, Flubby, Nairball and the rest of them.  The sexxi names!  They make us orgasm!  Pedagogue!!! It’s a prehistoric animal!  All the times we had by there were amazing, I will never forget them.

<3

I remember this one time we decided to go get coffee when we didn’t have advisory.  EV(sorry I don’t know how to spell her name), Maytal(I spelled this wrong too) and other people (I think maybe Rosemary and maybe Cee-Sing) went.  EV didn’t want a coffee, so she got a hot cocoa.  About a month later, when we didn’t have advisory again, she came up to us and said, “I want a coffee”.  LOL mood-swings? :-P

<3

I remember MadLibs.  Haha that was out best one.  Good times.

<3

Valentine’s Day.  Ian gave me a rose, chocolates, and a card.  That was the first year ever I had a Valentine. I will have other great Valentine’s Days, but none will compare to the one in ’06.

<3

March Second, I think.  The day I got my first boyfriend.  I was so nervous at first, so scared about what would be, what would come, what this would be like.  I learned so much from Ian, everything a first relationship should teach.  No matter what, there’ll always be space in my heart for you.

<3

I remember hanging out after school.  With Miriam, Brandy, Phillip, Jennifer, the many Ians, Dan, and a lot of other people.  I remember when we found that stack of Living Skills papers and I gave them everyone the most appropriate one.  I remember when I accused Dan of having Lesbian porn on his iPod.  Those days were so fun, I will miss them forever.

<3

I remember Annie’s house.  We painted Easter eggs.  Andrew ate a lot.  We had soooo much fun.  Just another day I’ll never forget.

<3

DisneyLand.  I had so much fun.  I remember before we left, that was the longest French class of my life.  Charlie would agree.  I remember the bus ride.  I remember UCLA.  I was hanging out with Anne ^^  It was awesome.  I remember hanging out in Anne’s, Vrinda’s, Grace’s, and Mira’s room.  I remember DisneyLand itself.  The band people ditched me T.T  I had so much fun going behind the scenes, seeing the hidden Mickeys, and finally performing, though no one was really listening.  I remember after dinner when there were about 14 of us, holding onto each other, and going choo-choo style through the crowds.  The fireworks.  Wishing that moment would never end.  Tinkerbell.  When you wish upon a star… I wish this had never come to an end.

<3

The school year ended.  I said goodbye to Paly forever.  It was the most amazing year of my life, the most important year for me.  It will be in my heart, forever.

<3

That day felt so long!  By the end, I looked back, and was shocked to think that it was still the same day I had so enjoyed at school.  We went to a partay.  It was so awesome.  The LIGHT SHOWS that I will never forget.  That is, until the dad of the host got mad because too many people were drinking beer on the streets.  And crashing.  Ohh, boy, were they crashing.  College kids too.  I guess that’s what you’d expect from the Bay Area mountain (more like hill lol) community.  Emma, Rachel, Cody, and I went to Ian’s house.  We watched Batman Begins until 4AM.  Then, Ian’s mom offered that we stay over night.  I called my mom and she freaked out lmao.  That was a fun day.

<3

Summer was fun.  Walking through downtown.  And again.  And again.  Palo Alto was an awesome city because it had that small-city downtown feel, unlike here, where the only downtown is the Denver downtown.  Every time I went to downtown in PA,CA, I was guaranteed to see someone I know on accident.  What a great atmosphere!

<3

I remember going down to SoCal with my family.  It was awesome!  We had fun.  I looked at it as saying goodbye to the west coast.  I will miss it forever.

<3

We moved.  The best part was Death Valley.  It was sooo hott there!  But the stars were beautiful.  And I saw quiet a lot of shooting stars ^^ :).  It was awesome!  And I was a scorpion.  I’ve never seen a scorpion before then, so it was special.  And it was amazing staying in the middle of nowhere!  Someday, when we’re in college, we will take a road trip through there with my friends.  XD

<3

First day of 10^th grade.  Creek was kind of a nightmare.  From the start, I felt like I didn’t belong.  The Coach bags, the jeans mini-skirts, the layered tops, everything made me feel so out of place.  4^th period.  Orchestra.  I saw Basil and Sarah, some of my best friends from back in the 8^th grade ^^.  It was awesome.  6^th period: off.  I was so lucky to see Ian and Kaitlyn right at the start of the period.  Kaitlyn and I had lunch together.  It made me very happy.  We ate Tokyo Joe’s.  I ate it with chopsticks.  We ate it at a bench.  I remember every minute of it.

<3

April is in my orchestra class.  I met her before, at Girl Scouts camp.  She introduced me to some awesome people.  Lisa quickly became one of my closest friends.  We’d spent every orchestra period after we got excused together.  And then she left me.  We still talk a little, but barely.  I miss her so much.  I’ve cried so much because of her.  Sariah.  We became homies.  She showed me Cry Wolf.  Then, she moved.  Left me alone.  So much can change within just a few months.

<3

I remember the day Lisa introduced me to Will.  She led me up to the tree and was trying to explain the drama that was going on around that tree.  Then, we walked up to Will.  We were being horny.  Will said, “I know you.” Me: “I know you too” Will: “I thought you moved to California.” Me: “I came back”.  Quickly, we became friends again.

<3

When I broke up with Ian, I didn’t have feelings for any other guy.  I needed to be single, I needed to be free.  The night I wrote the letter was one of the hardest nights of my life.  I cried, and cried, and cried more.  The next day was one of the best days of my life.  I flirted with every guy, I’m not kidding, EVERY guy, even guys I kinda simply thought were disgusting. 

<3

When I first met Leah, I fell in love with her style, best style I have seen ever.  Each day she came with a new outfit, and she never failed to fascinate me.  Quickly, I saw other great things about her.  She became one of my best friends, and I am very glad I met her.

<3

The basement of West.  So much partying!  Lol.  Spontaneous group humps.  Sitting on each other.  Very very horny badbad things.  Lol.  I remember our ‘rave party’ the most.  It was instead of the pep-rally, a bunch of ‘emo’ ‘scene’ ‘goth’ and ‘stoner’ people partying lol.  Some did the light show thing with the ribbons.  Other things too.  It was just awesome.  And the TECHNO! LOUD LOUD TECHNO THAT SHOOK THE WALLS!  It was soooo awesome.

<3

The day Will hurt me.  It was all a misunderstanding and I took it too hard.  I proved to myself I was weak, that I gave my heart to him though I thought I didn’t.  It taught me a lot about myself, and, in a way, I am happy it happened.  On the other hand, we still can’t seem to get along, and it all started with that.  I hope it will change.  I still care for him a lot, even though now it’s just as a friend.

<3

The hallway.  WE had fun, first there were just few of us, but more and more came.  Finally, they made us leave.

<3

Kyle.  We started hanging out on the hallway.  We had some great days since then.  I remember when you walked around the entire school with me.  Or when we sat in that corner by the wall.  I remember the Hippie Circle.   I remember when we first went to the bridge.  The guys from the Hippie Circle said that there were girls there that didn’t like us near them lol.  That’s how I met Kelsey, and a bunch of other people.

<3

Sarah.  I requested to be her friend on MySpace, mainly because I request anyone I’ve even seen around to be my friend.  Somhow, MySpace turned to real life, and she became one of my best friends.  She’s an amazing person and I’m very glad I met her.

<3

Hannah and the 16^th street mall.  Our best memory ^^.  We had fun.  GoodTimes.  Talking.  That homeless guy lol.  He told us his dog could jump off the roof and not get hurt.  And then he told us he was a drunk.  Lmao that was hilarious.

<3

All these times have passed by, and I will miss them a lot.  For everything that’s changed, and everything that’s stayed the same.  For everything I’ve learned and everything I’ve forgotten.  This is a salute to the old year.  A salute to ’06.  With Love,

♥ SunnySenny <3<3.

Happy New Year.

Drug Free Schools

My sister suffers from migraines. They run in my family.
Not-so-fun fact: Migraine headaches occur about 3 times as often in women as in men -- 60% happen around the time of menstruation.
Migraines are no fun, no fun at all. Throbbing headache, nausea, vomiting. It's a very, very miserable experience, and I'm lucky to have only had a migraine a couple times in my life. My poor sister, on the other hand, gets them quiet often.

The other day, she got a migraine at school. On her off-period, she went to the nurse's office, asking for an Excedrin Migraine. Excedrin Migraine contains 250mg of Acetaminophen (Tylenol), 250mg of Aspirin, and 65mg of Caffeine (which treats headaches, especially migraines).

Cherry Creek High School, it turns out, does not carry Excedrin Migraine.
It's a caffeine free school.

Just another example how the 21st century is run by morons.