09 September 2009

If I was born male ...

I remember when Lauren and I used to say that we were meant to be born gay men. We were best friends at the time, and we had a lot in common. She was bi (and sometimes lesbian) and I was straight (but sometimes questioning). We were both outcasts, though happy within our odd group of friends, and both longed for a way to escape society. We hated the way the world expected us to act and despised those who always seemed to fit in. And both of us wished we'd been born male. Thinking about that recently, I realized that if I had been born male, I would most definitely not be gay. Not that I would be your usual man, either. What would I be like if I had been born male?

If I was born male, I would be your typical boy, though I'd probably be somewhat quiet. I'd be a lot more social than I was as a girl, and I'd have many friends. I would love playing sports, being rowdy, building forts, and playing with trains and legos. I would become obsessed with baseball and monster trucks, and everyone would tell my mom what a cute boy I am (after all, people told my mom that I was a cute boy when I was a girl with short hair). Overall, I would have a very good childhood and wouldn't really stand out at all.

If I was male in middle school, things would start to change. I was a late bloomer as a girl, so I'd be a late bloomer as a boy. I wouldn't know how to talk to girls, nor would I have much interest in talking to them at all. I would be a lot more comfortable with my guy friends. Things would get really hard for me once my mom would stop buying me clothes. I would do my best to be a fashionable male, but I would feel uncomfortable in men's clothing and I would wonder what a man is supposed to look like. When no one's home, I would try on my sister's skirts, and feel really embarrassed about it afterward. I would become very self-conscious and might even start to hate myself.

If I was a male in high school, things would get better. Having blossomed, I would come to love my body, and I'd work out and run often, making sure I stay in the best of shape. I would become very proud of my pecs, my abs, and my dick. I would start to fall for girls, and girls would fall for me, too. If I was a man, I would be damn sexy. I would start sleeping with my girlfriends and I would become very comfortable with my sexuality. Nonetheless, I would still be very fashion conscious. I'd develop my personal man-style, possibly one that would involve many button-down shirts, though I'd experiment with other looks, as well. I'd get into raving, and I'd love the bright, neon, feminine colors that are so popular in the culture. I'd enjoy wearing Tripps, Phats, and bell bottoms, but only within the context of a rave. Also, just for fun one day, I would wear a kilt. I would love it, and I would wish I could wear skirts and dresses and still me manly. As a result, I would become jealous of women and critical of feminists, thinking that it's unfair that females complain about being unequal when they can do so many things I can't: wear pants OR a skirt, be intimate with their friends of either gender, and wait on the guy to make a move.

If I was a male in college, I'd have lots of fun. I would be very promiscuous, sometimes sleeping with multiple women in one night, though usually sticking with a few especially sexy fuck-buddies. Sometimes, I would wonder if I'm missing out on something by not being in a relationship or falling in love, but then I'd lose myself in the body of a beautiful woman I just met, and I'd forget all my worries. I would be a very sentimental man-whore. Perhaps, secretly, I would start cross-dressing. I would befriend other cross-dresses who'd accept me for who I am. I would even tell a few of my guy friends about it, but only the very good friends, who'd laugh at me and think it was really weird, but they'd keep in quiet because our man-bond would be so strong. Sure, they'd accuse me of being gay, but by that point in time, I'd be so comfortable with girls, I wouldn't even consider it. Girls are hot.

Eventually, if I was born male, I'd grow up. I would get married to a beautiful, intelligent woman, and we'd have beautiful babies. We would be the average family, and we'd all be very happy. I would make an amazing father and the kids would love me. Maybe we'd get divorced, but it wouldn't be a tragic divorce, and we'd both re-marry, equally splitting time with our children, staying in touch, and still remaining happy. I would be amazing and happy, fitting in perfectly in the workforce. I would look amazing in a suit, and I would always wear the most fashionable ties. I would be a happy, healthy, and attractive man my entire life.

If was born male, I would often wonder what life would be like if I was born female. I really want to know what male-me would predict about female-me.

No comments:

Post a Comment