Love

True love. I don't really believe in it, nor do I want to. I'm not really made for love or commitment, I can't imagine ever being in a long-term relationship, a "best friend", a buddy for life. My emotions are just too fluid. Things change all the time. Still, I like to think I've been in love. I've had relationships, infatuations, fantasies that I'll never forget. Three times in my life I met someone who forever changed how I view love, myself, and feelings. Here's my story:

1. I was 15 when I had my first boyfriend. He was my first kiss, the first person other than myself to pleasure me, the first person I fantasized about, the first person to tell me "I love you", the first person I ever told "I love you" to, the first person I went on a date with, the first person to buy me flowers, my first Valentine, and many, many other firsts. We were together almost six months, making him my longest relationship. I was young, and I know that, looking back. Yet this boy forever changed my life. One's first intimacy is always life changing. As is the first time someone returns one's love. But he was also my first break-up, my first heartbreak, the first boy I ever cried over - and, oh, did I cry. It was then, at 15, that I first learned about love, and all it entails.

2. Two years ago, just a few weeks before I turned 17, I met the perfect guy. He was seriously the person I've always looked for, the boy I've always dreamed of. In every way, he was perfect. Attractive, intelligent, articulate, brilliant, wise. He was the kind of guy that blew girls off their feet the moment he met them, but what I felt was something more. We were meant to be together. For a year and a half I loved him, on-and-off. Except for a few brief make-out sessions, we never did get together. Still, I haven't been the same since. I found him, despite how unlikely it was, I found the perfect guy. Everything I had ever imagined came into my life, and I liked him for so long.

3. At 18, shortly after finally getting over number 2, I found someone else that forever changed my life. My desire for her was different than anything else I'd ever experienced. She was the cliche of perfect. She laughed at my jokes, spent time with me, made me feel amazing about myself. We were friends, we had fun together, we got along. It wasn't a desperate affection, either, and being away from her for months now hasn't caused me any heartbreak (though I miss her terribly). I have never been happier to meet a person who changed my life like I know she did. If I am ever to spend my entire life with someone, this is exactly the kind of relationship that I want.

I know, someday, another one will come along. But true love is few and far between. In the meantime, we just keep swimming.