Heartbreak

I don't usually post twice in one day, but I re-read my old poetry, and I really would like to share some of it, as well as some of my past.

The older I've grown, the less and less I cried, to the extent that sometimes, I think it's unhealthy. Although many failed relationships have caused me tears, I haven't experienced true heartbreak since my first heartbreak following the end of my first relationship early sophomore year. That's a good thing, I think.

Heartbreak is a lot like grieving. I had made a logical decision - one of the most logical and best decisions I ever made - to end a relationship that meant a lot to me, knowing it would plunge me into pain. I didn't deal well with it, either, immediately moving on into an involvement with one of the worst guys I had ever met. I learned what it's like to love someone, but not be able to be with them, and I had never felt sadder. Here are some poems I wrote at the time:

Broken hearts
Bleeding palms
On the earth
Where we once loved

Still confused
Who you are
Who am I
What is us?

There were days
I questioned meaning
There were nights
I loved my life

To move on
It takes some bleeding
And believing
Love is far
-- 10.2006

My teacher looks me in the eye,
She’s asking me if I’m alright.
Why do you ask me, oh why?
Homework is stained with tears I cried.

These stains of salt, and drying blood:
Reminders of an ancient love.
So many tears I’ve shed in sorrow.
And even more I’ll shed tomorrow.

You took my heart, and raised it high
I looked at it with bloodshot eye.
And then I threw and crashed it down
I watched it shatter on the ground.

But somehow I do not regret
I learned a lesson in the end.
But it is life, I know it’s tough.
It’s what you get for being in love.

Could you forgive me for that year?
Forget we ever were a pair?
We’d built a friendship, new and true.
Pretending I don’t still love you.
-- 02.13.2007