The older I've grown, the less and less I cried, to the extent that sometimes, I think it's unhealthy. Although many failed relationships have caused me tears, I haven't experienced true heartbreak since my first heartbreak following the end of my first relationship early sophomore year. That's a good thing, I think.
Heartbreak is a lot like grieving. I had made a logical decision - one of the most logical and best decisions I ever made - to end a relationship that meant a lot to me, knowing it would plunge me into pain. I didn't deal well with it, either, immediately moving on into an involvement with one of the worst guys I had ever met. I learned what it's like to love someone, but not be able to be with them, and I had never felt sadder. Here are some poems I wrote at the time:
On the earth
Where we once loved
Who you are
Who am I
What is us?
There were days
I questioned meaning
There were nights
I loved my life
To move on
It takes some bleeding
Love is far
My teacher looks me in the eye,
She’s asking me if I’m alright.
Why do you ask me, oh why?
Homework is stained with tears I cried.
These stains of salt, and drying blood:
Reminders of an ancient love.
So many tears I’ve shed in sorrow.
And even more I’ll shed tomorrow.
You took my heart, and raised it high
I looked at it with bloodshot eye.
And then I threw and crashed it down
I watched it shatter on the ground.
But somehow I do not regret
I learned a lesson in the end.
But it is life, I know it’s tough.
It’s what you get for being in love.
Could you forgive me for that year?
Forget we ever were a pair?
We’d built a friendship, new and true.
Pretending I don’t still love you.